I once re-watched the 2007 NFL Draft just to see Brady Quinn's face when the Miami Dolphins passed him for Ted Ginn. I once spent a sunny afternoon watching Battlefield Earth. I have sat through experimental theatre in a dingy loft.
I can come up for an excuse for all of them:
(1) Watch this clip and try to tell me it's not one of the best moments in Draft History
(2) I was hungover and the remote control was really far away.
(3) I was hoping it would lead to sex, it didn't.
None of those moments was as painful to experience as the 2011 Men's Basketball National Championship. I've seen pre-teen girls basketball that had a higher degree of execution than what we endured on Monday night.
So in honour of that 53-41 turd sandwich I'm going to come up with as many hack jokes to describe the game. Really it doesn't deserve any better than my array of C- jokes I'm going to unleash on you.
I heard that Jim Calhoun may have to forfeit the title. No not for yet another scandal but when you shoot 34.5%, dish out just six assists versus eleven turnovers do you really deserve to be called Champion?
By the way 6 assists to 11 turnovers? Did UConn fly in Stephon Marbury from China to play point guard?
UConn scored just 19 points in the first half! Coincidentally that's the same number of players who have graduated in Calhoun's tenure in Connecticut.
The rims took more abuse from misfired balls than ... hmmm let me rephrase that. The rims was abused more than Pat Summerall's liver.
The last episode of 'Seinfeld' had a better ending than this game.
The surprise ending in 'The Crying Game' was less disturbing than Butler's half court offence.
I haven't seen that may turnovers since Ryan Leaf played Akili Smith
That game had more misses than Nicholas Cage's IMDB page.
You know you're watching a truly terrible game when you're in shock when either team actually scores a basket.
The bench for the Washington Generals would have outscored either of those teams.
That game was so ugly CBS decided to play 'One Shining Moment' with six minutes left to play.
Forget "One Shining Moment" I would have been happy with one moment of well executed basketball.
Butler's field goal percentage (18.8%) was lower than my Grade Nine Advanced French mark.
Butler's offense was nothing more than 37 passes two feet behind the three-point line than jack up a wild shot and hope it goes in.
Butler made four baskets from inside the three point line! I haven't seen a team avoid the paint so much since Rafael Araujo was the Raptors starting centre.
Chad Ford had Matt Howard ranked 185th before the tournament, I think he's being kind. The only way Howard is getting drafted is if the NBA expands to 10 rounds. Maybe he would then be Mr. Irrelevant.
Howard went 1-13. One for thirteen! Hey Matt, John Starks called he wants his stat line back from Game Seven of the NBA Finals.
That game was so bad Jim Nance at one point blanked out in sheer boredom and starting talking about Mickelson's short game.
At one point in the game I clicked over to watch 'The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants', and guess what, I'm not ashamed to admit it. At least that movie had a more compelling and satisfying storyline.
All right that's all I got. I just wish I could have had those three hours back.